Dad has been gone for 142 days now... I used to have it down to the hour, but I finally stopped that after the 100th day. I think about Dad each and every day.. some days it feels like he's been gone for an eternity, some days it feels like it just happened within the last few minutes. I'm still angry that the doctors took the choice to continue the fight away from my dad. Part of me understands.. in order to continue there would have been an ugly war and lots of sacrifice... but it should have been HIS choice, not theirs. They gave up on him.. and that makes me bitter. How long would we have had with him if they had allowed him to fight? Even one more hour would have been a blessing. My dad was a proud man.. a strong man... he loved his family, his country, and his friends. There have been many times when I felt like giving up and he told me to keep going. I miss his smile.. I miss his laugh.. I miss how he would crack jokes.. I miss how he listened.. I miss seeing him in the backroom putting puzzles together.. I miss everything. I know though, as much as it hurts.. he wouldn't want me to be sad. My heart aches deeply for him.. and that will never go away. Over time though I am sure that the ache will grow dull.
I had a beautiful blog about life lessons over on my Myspace blog.. but I wiped out my blog in a fit of sadness. Ah well.. another life lesson learned there, don't delete unless you're sure.
A few things I've learned in life:
Love, is a beautiful thing. It's a shame that people take it for granted, use it, and abuse it. Love can be delicate, like a glass figurine perched high on a rickety shelf.. bump it and it could crash and shatter into a many pieces. Love can also be strong.. like a steel post, it can withstand quite a bit. Love should be cherished and treated like the treasure it is.
Friends can amaze you and disappoint you.. they're people and expecting the impossible from them will only set you up for sadness and anger. Accept that they will make mistakes.. and be amazed when they are there when you make mistakes.
Sometimes you have to hurt the people you love in order to help them.
Forgiveness is a wonderful thing.. if you can't forgive, you haven't moved past it yet. Forgiving is not forgetting.. you can forgive someone but remember what they have done.
Holding on to bitterness and hate will only make you less of a person.
Live your life to it's fullest.. tomorrow is never promised.
Help those you can help.. and accept that you can't help everyone.
It's ok to cry.
Learn to love yourself.. if you can't love you, how do you expect anyone else to love you?
If you allow yourself to be made into a doormat, don't be surprised if people wipe their feet on you.
There are a lot more.. but I'm to tired to put them down right now. :)
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