I guess I'm not that good anymore...

It's funny how time can change places and people.. this will probably get long.

Growing up in San Diego I remember thinking it wasn't that big of a city. The houses were pretty much all alike and almost right on top of each other. I remember we had the biggest backyard on the block and the biggest front yard.. course our house then wasn't originally built where it stands, it was moved from down the street to where it is now... 'course that was all done before I was born, I just heard about it. Lots of good memories in that house. I went by it the other day.. they had torn out all the plants save the big tree in the front yard. The privacy fence and quiet area were gone.. the pond was gone.. they tore up part of the porch.. it's a light yellow and baby blue color now.

Drove past Morse (my high school) the other day and it's changed too.. it's huge now. I thought it was big when I was going there! They've got a two story building now.. it's crazy. Bell (my jr. high) is pretty much the same.. but it seems much much smaller. Downtown San Diego is pretty much the same.. mom told me to expect it to be dirty, but it doesn't seem like it's changed all that much. Well.. I take that back it has changed drastically since I was very little. Gaslamp used to be a place people didn't really go because it was dirty and a "bad" part of town... now it's built up, lots of people go there. The trolley system has changed too.. it was interesting to ride it with Jimmy. Jimmy and I were discussing a lot of the changes that have happened when we were riding the trolley.. it used to be there was two lines the Blue line and the Orange line. The Blue line used to run from the border up through Mission San Diego (it went through Chula Vista, National City, San Ysidro, Old Town, Mission Valley, Fashion Valley, Linda Vista..) and the Orange line ran from Downtown to East County (it went through Gaslamp, Seaport Village, El Cajon, Santee..). Occasionally there would be the Green line which ran on special occasions like game day and went from downtown to Qualcomm stadium. Now there are three lines running permanently. The Green line which runs from Old Town out through SDSU to Santee, the Orange line which runs from Downtown to El Cajon (it doesn't go into Santee now) and the Blue line which runs from the border up to Old Town (it doesn't go to Mission Valley, the Stadium, etc.).

Hrm. People change.. regardless of what some people tell me, I will always believe that people can change for the better. It's nice to know that the past doesn't have to be held in a grudge.

San Diego has a lot of old friends and memories.. it's like a warm blanket on a cold night. I'm surprised how many memories and feelings just being back here has stirred up.

Why don't you lay your weapons down now...

I've been trying to keep it together all day... it hasn't been easy. It's been six months now without dad. I miss my dad everyday.. there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. Almost everything in my life reminds me of him... and some days are easier than others. It hurts like hell though that I really don't have anyone to talk to about any of this. All of my friends are usually to busy telling me about their lives and what not that if I mention dad it's like a two second conversation and then back to stuff about them. I suppose it's probably selfish of me to expect people who weren't close to him and really didn't know him to want to hear about him.. but damn it, sometimes I just want to talk about him and have someone listen without a sudden change in conversation. Maybe people are uncomfortable with hearing about him.. I don't know. It just makes me sad that everyone tells me I shouldn't bottle things up, and yet.. threes this. I feel like I almost have to bottle everything dad related up because nobody wants to let me talk about him. That hurts.

I've been in San Diego for 5 days now. Haven't done a whole lot.. I did see Sunset Cliffs and got some awesome pictures of them. There is a peace sign on a rock there.. it's kind of nice. Tomorrow we're going to see the Hospitality Houses in Balboa Park. Monday little guy and I are doing the all day trolley thing. We'll be going from one end to the other and so forth. Perhaps I'll get to see a few friends on that journey since I'll be in their neck of the woods.

The trip out was uneventful.. except me getting chosen randomly for secondary security. It wasn't so horrible. Just meant I didn't have to wait as long for Jen since she always has to go through secondary due to the leg brace. The flight itself wasn't so bad.. I'm still not a big fan of flying though.

I've got 20 days left in San Diego..time seems to go by pretty fast.

I suppose I should toss in some quotes.. my inbox is jammed full of them.

Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy. - Abraham Heschel

Mrm.. not really sure how to interrupt this one

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling. - Margaret Lee Runback

Interesting.. not quite sure how to interrupt this one either. Unless of course it means that happiness is not something you should look for because it's always there.


The way to happiness: keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. - Norman Vincent Peale

I wonder then.. is anyone truly happy? Very few people are able to not hate anyone or worry. I try not to hate but sometimes it's hard. I know plenty of people who say they could never hate anyone.. but they hate people like child molesters and such.
I like this quote.. and am half tempted to send it to a few people I know.
Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean you are a mistake. - Georgette Mosbacher

How very true. How many people are willing to throw away a friendship over mistakes. Funny how that works... as if they themselves are without faults.

Everything that has a beginning has an ending. Make your peace with that and all will be well. The Buddha

Hrm.. pretty self explanatory I think. As Star Trek put it.. "All good things must come to an end".

There is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem. - Booker T. Washington

Just what it says. There is no shame in what you do.

Friends are the sunshine of life. - John Hay

Indeed. They bring a lot of light, but they can also bring darkness... but usually in the end they can light the darkness again.

No man is rich enough to buy back his past. - Oscar Wilde

Indeed.. no matter how much money someone has, they can't change their past.

Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. Pablo Picasso

True enough.. art is a beautiful thing and should be cherished.

It ain't over 'til it's over. - Yogi Berra

Simple yet true.. if you give up just because you think you're not going to win you never know what will happen in the end. Let the end be the end.

The web of our life is of mingled yarn, good and ill together. - William Shakespeare

Indeed.. you can't go through life expecting everything to be lollipops and kittens.

That's it for today folks.. if I don't blog for a few days it's because I'm in San Diego and enjoying it. :)