Into the darkness...

Just a few thoughts rattling around in my head tonight.
A friend and I were talking about how we might lose our jobs.. she got to grumbling and went off on a rant about illegal aliens and how they "steal" the jobs that honest hard working Americans would do. OK.. lets be honest with ourselves here. If they were jobs that honest hardworking Americans would do.. than why don't the apply for them?! I'm so tired of hearing that excuse as a reason to hate Illegal Immigrants.. and the whole "they're living off our tax dollars" thing. Granted there are a lot of them that utilize the government programs.. but there are a heck of a lot of them working and paying taxes, and they don't see a dime of their tax money when tax season rolls around because they're working illegally. That's free money for the government. They aren't mooching off the system and making life hell for people.. they're busting their butts trying to make a living and living with the threat of deportation over their head. Yes yes.. I know, they should come here legally. I agree, it would be a much better way for them to come here.. but since not everyone has the money and means to sit and wait for the documents and process they're going to come over anyway they can. Do you blame them? Life is a little better here.. and we take that for granted. The system needs to change and people need to quit whining so much about the illegals and start dealing with the bigger crises we have like the skyrocketing cost of gas, the ever expanding prison population, the environmental problems, the homeless, etc. things that demand our attention NOW. Solve THOSE problems and then you can move on.. and no building a bigger fence or making life hell for them isn't a solution.

I was on Enviro this evening and stupidly opened a thread about a chihuahua that had been dragged behind a SUV. The pictures were heartbreaking.. how can someone do that to something so defenseless? What reason could they have had? People who abuse animals, elderly, children, and people weaker than them make me sick. The poor dog is suffering.. and for no reason at all. It bothers me to know that this little dog may not live because of someones carelessness and stupidity. Life is way to precious and I wish more people could see that.

Mom has plans for a memorial rock garden for dad. She had a flagpole installed and at the base of it there is a plaque that reads "Proud Retired Veteran". We built a diamond with cement edgers and filled it in with white marble chips. We bought 14 rocks (one for each ship and station during his service) and we're going to paint the name of the ship/place he was stationed and the years there on the rocks. When they're done we're going to put some protective sealer over them and then place them in the diamond.. a memorial rock garden with a very personal touch.

A local gallery invited me to be part of their showcase in October. I have to submit 15 photos by the end of the month and they will pick 5-6 of them for the showcase. I'm having a hard time narrowing it down so I've asked my friends for help. So far none of them have chosen the same pictures! Which makes it even harder.. I may recruit some help from acquaintances next. Hrm.

I'm so ready for this week to be over.. it's been a fairly bad one. Bleh!

Click click boom..

Joy is not in things; it is in us. - Richard Wagner

How true.. we tend to look to things to make us happy rather than looking into ourselves for the key to our happiness.

A few things that have been on my mind lately.

Marriage and divorce. Perhaps it's just me, but marriage seems to be somewhat of a joke now-a-days. It used to be people got married and it was a "til death do us part" type thing. Now it seems like people get married more on a whim than because of love. It's insane! People get divorced like it's no big deal.. but it is. Most people can't be bothered with working out the problems in their marriage either. It's like disposable spouses.. this one has something wrong? Get rid of it and get another! Ugh.

People use the word love way to casually. I'm not talking about "I love those shoes" or "I love this pasta salad".. I'm talking about "I love you" or "I love her". It tends to start meaning a whole lot less when you supposedly fall in love over and over and over again. People like the idea of being in love so they try so hard to be. Personally I feel love is a beautiful and powerful thing that shouldn't be treated as carelessly as it is.

You know in life we choose our own paths. The choices we make, the things we do, how we act.. this all points us down our path. Some people choose the wrong paths.. they tend to be very selfish and not care who they hurt. It saddens me to know that there are people out there who get a kick out of hurting someone.. and then put the blame everywhere but on their shoulders. It's a shame that these people don't see what they do to others.. or maybe they do, they just don't care. Whatever the reason.. the path they choose is a dark, narrow, lonely one. It's possible to change paths.. but you have to want to.

Come and make it alright...

The past few days I have not been able to get warm. No matter how much I put on I am still freezing. Went to the doctors yesterday.. he of course wants a slew of blood tests. Got some blood work done last night, did a fasting test for diabetes this morning. Nice. I really don't want to know whats wrong with me. I'd rather stick my head in the sand and pretend it doesn't exist ya' know? There is so much crazy health issues that run in my family and I really don't want to have to deal with what some of them have.
I'm still anemic. Been that way as long as I can remember... I have to up my iron pills to four a day! UGH!!!!! I can barely remember to take one pill a day. I've been taking my vitamin religiously Monday-Friday... only because it's on my desk right next to the phone so it's the first thing I see in the morning when I get to work.
Bleh. I should find out Monday where everything stands. They want to do more tests to figure out why I'm anemic.. not sure about taking those yet.

A friend of mine read my tarot cards today. It was fairly interesting.. I don't really believe in that type of thing but it was thought provoking! I didn't write down the card names.. just what they meant and the position they were in.

Daily Lesson - Don't accept anything from yourself but supreme effort.
I don't push myself hard enough and I need to start doing that.

Challenges/Opportunities - What brings sorrow may also give rise to feelings of liberation.
OK, this one kind of stunned me. The way she explained it makes way to much sense. Dad's passing is the sorrow.. but it has given me the strength to leave. I've been on my own before but always really really close (like 10minutes away) to mom. The whole family has always acted like one unit.. and while that's nice, it's kind of suffocating. I need to get out away from it...as much as I love my family they drive me insane. Making the decision to leave, it kind of felt like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. I don't know if it makes sense to anyone else.. but it does to me.

Situation (she asked about my love life.. go figure!) - The past holds clues to your immediate situation. Evaluate past feelings and compare them to what you feel now.
I've done a lot of thinking about people I've had feelings for in the past lately. It's funny that some of them still give me that warm fuzzy feeling inside, just not as intense as it used to be.. but some of them I wonder why I ever felt anything. People change over time I guess.. and so do feelings. She also told me that I need to take a look at the new people in my life and see what I feel for them. Hmm...

Near Future - Make yourself available to people and resources around you. Consider being a team player.
This ties into work. We have a new project coming up and it's being given to me. I'm going to have to learn how to play well with others so to speak since I'm going to need to get people's help every so often on parts of it. She also said (and this cracks me up) that I need to look to people who are "geniuses" like me. ROFL.. funny

and the Advice - Let the world see your skills and talents.
I'd love for the world to see my skills and talents, but I have to get more confident in them. I don't think I'm all that good, but other people do.. so I should learn to listen to them instead of my own inner voices that are negative.

See.. thought provoking isn't it? The last time someone did anything like this it was some loony old bat who stopped me on the street and read my palm. She told me I was going to die at 30.. and here I am 31 almost 32. Woot.

Someone switched my chair in the office again. I hate this one because it creaks and makes a lot of noise. :( Bleh.. I should go hunt down my old chair.

I always feel like.. somebody's watching me

A few random things today..

How can people not have time for their children.. but they have time to go out with friends and go party and so forth? I don't get it.. I know raising kids is hard and people deserve breaks, but seriously.. spend time with them! You never know how long you've got with them.. cherish each moment while you can ya' know?

Why do people have unprotected sex in this day and age when STD's are all over the place and they're getting stronger and more deadlier? Lets not forget the fact that there is always the possibility of pregnancy too! You would think people would take all this into account and start taking more precautions. Especially with as cheap/readily available that condoms are.. shoot you can get them for free at Planned Parenthood even!

You know what I'm tired of? I'm tired of being the only one who "understands". Sometimes this being there for everyone and being the person they lean on gets to be too much. I wonder if people even realize how much of a toll they can take on others when they dump all their baggage on them? I feel like a wise man at the top of a mountain.. people always asking questions and expecting me to have the answers. 'Course, there are people who won't lean on me at all because they know that everyone else does.. that's just as frustrating. They need someone, they know I'm there.. but they don't want to add to the burden everyone else puts on me. I think more often than not they don't realize that I'd welcome them leaning on me as it'd be different than everyone else.

You know what else I'm tired of? I'm tired of being "one of the guys" just because I'm not a girly girl and I'm easy to talk to. I know it's not meant to be a bad thing.. but still, it's like a slap in the face to hear it most the time.

Oh yeah.. and this Chris Benoit murder/suicide thing. Ya' know.. I don't know the guy so I can't pass judgement on him, but all the people who are acting like he what he did is excusable because he was some sort of "hero" and making all sorts or horrible assumptions about his wife and trying to pin the blame on her.. that pisses me off. Yes he was a great wrestler.. but what he did is not excusable and the blame doesn't lay with his wife. I can't fathom how someone could kill someone they love.. let alone their own child. I hope for the little boy's sake that he was out of it when he was smothered.