Regarding comments on the hunting post...

Originally I was going to save this blog post for something a bit more interesting, but due to a few comments that were sent on the last post.. I feel there are some things I should address now rather then later.

First off, I don't publish anonymous comments in my blog... regardless of if they are good or bad comments. I feel that if you have something to me and the world that you can either use your name or a nickname.. anything but anonymous. Second, if all you are going to do in your comment is be negative.. don't bother sending it, you'll just have wasted your time and it won't upset me.

I guess I touched a nerve with the last post because I got a couple comments that told me I am stupid and that hunters are stupid/killers/animal haters. I wasn't going to waste time on them, but since it was more then one I will.

Your opinion on my intelligence won't cause me to lose sleep. Thing is, those who matter to me know about my intelligence.. and those who don't, don't matter. That may sound offensive, but it's the truth. If you don't want to take the time to get to know me and actually have a conversation with me.. then obviously it's not that important right?

A far as the insults to hunters go... most of the hunters I talk to are intelligent, family oriented, caring people. This is the part that I absolutely love to rub in the face of people who go on and on about hunters being stupid.. a majority of the hunters I know are (ready for this?) *gasp* college educated. In fact, chances are more then likely that if you were to put a hunter in a room with other people who don't hunter.. that those who don't hunt wouldn't be able to pick out the one who did hunt. That's right.. hunters are just like you and me, they're normal (ok.. so maybe not like me, I dislike normal but that's another blog) everyday people with normal everyday jobs and lives.

The killer thing is true by definition.. they do kill animals. I don't understand how someone can be up in arms over a hunter killing a deer or a rabbit.. when that person pays to have animal slaughtered for them. Even if you are vegan, unless you grow your own food.. you have the blood of many animals on your hands. Animals are killed when we take up their habitat, spray pesticides, harvest food, drive our cars, etc. The only difference is that we (people in general) don't want to think of our food as being alive at one time. We'd rather just buy it all packaged up nicely at the grocery store... and the hunters will go out and kill their own food. We also tend to humanize animals... which makes it harder to accept their being killed. I'll get more into this later.. but yeah, if you want to leave a comment about how hunters are killers, I won't dispute it. I dislike the derogatory note that is behind it, and I won't use it myself.

Now we get down to the last bit for this blog post. Do hunters hate animals? Quite the opposite! Most hunters have a great respect for the animals they hunt and take the time to learn as much about them as they can. We'll get more into this in another blog post. I will add that just about every hunter I talk to, with the exception of one, have pets. They treat these pets rather well. If they hated animals.. why would they have pets, let alone take good care of them?

Alright.. in closing, a friend of mine always tells me when I gripe about stereotypes that there is a reason there are stereotypes. True enough.. but more often then not when you come across someone who has been stereotyped you'll find that they don't fit the stereotypical image. I hope ya'll keep that in mind over the course of these hunting blogs. I encourage you to go explore on the net, find hunters to talk to. The only advice I will give in that regard is don't come at them swinging.. no one wants to have a conversation with someone who starts out hostile.

Hunting.. the beginning

This is a blog that has been long in the making, and due to all the content I want to add this has become a multi-post subject that will take place over the course of the next few weeks.

There are not many people that I talk to that are aware of my interest in hunting. While I don't ever plan to hunt, the various aspects of it and the people who do it intrigue me. It's not often that I get to talk to someone on my level, as a non-hunter with a rather open mind, about hunting. Most people have already made their minds up about hunting.. and when the topic is bought up it turns into a debate usually ending with the other person and I agreeing to disagree.

I have found over the course of the last few years that a majority of people don't have the first clue about hunting. All they know is the hunter goes out in the wild, kills an animal, and then eats it. To the "normal" person that makes the hunter a near savage person.

Given the chance to talk to some hunters who are open minded and willing to talk about hunting rather then lecture or argue about it, I've discovered there is a whole lot more to the world of hunting.. and that if one listens to what is being said and gets to know them that they may just change their mind about hunting and hunters.

It wasn't long ago that I was much like the majority of people I run across now in regards to my views on hunting. It disgusted me and I didn't see the need for it. I labored under the idea that hunters killed out of the enjoyment of killing.

I'm trying to remember who among the hunters I talk to coined the phrase "bambiology". He used that phrase once when there was a discussion going on about how most people have seen Bambi and that's where their dislike of hunters starts. Poor Bambi is orphaned by the mean old hunters.. a friend pointed out today that in the book it's not hunters but rather poachers that kill Bambi's mom. I doubt that knowing that would make much of a difference in the average person's mindset... but there is a big difference between hunters and poachers.

A couple of non-hunters I talk to have saddened me recently.. one told me that hunters were one step below someone who murders a human.. and the other told me that hunters hated animals. Neither of these is true, and it bothers me because the hunters that I talk to are all wonderful people who care about animals and wouldn't hurt a human unless that human was hurting them or someone else.

Enough of an introduction on the topic eh? In the next few posts I will be discussing:
Why hunters hunt
How they got started hunting
What they hunt, how they hunt it, and where they hunt it
The weapons used in hunting
A few myths and truths about hunting
Controversial topics such as canned and high fence hunting, trophy hunters, and people who hunt just to kill.
Books, magazines, etc. that you can read to learn more on your own

If you ever had questions about hunting, feel free to send me an e-mail and I will do my best to get it answered.

In memory of Dith Pran..

I am absolutely disgusted with the media and people in general. How is it when a famous person who is fodder for the paparazzi dies it gets plastered all over for weeks, even months.. and the general public is all teary about it. But when someone who deserves to be recognized and mourned dies, it just gets a little blurb the day after they die and that's about it.. what the hell is wrong with society?

Dith Pran passed away on March 30,2008. This man did a lot to get the genocide in Cambodia in the public eye. He's the one who came up with the term "killing fields" for the mass graves that were the result of the Khmer Rouge.

Go learn more about this man.. he's much more amazing than any actor/singer that is loved just because they are famous.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dith_Pran

http://www.cambodian.com/dithpran/

http://www.notablebiographies.com/Pe-Pu/Pran-Dith.html

I like this one, thanks Rich for sending me the link.
http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/multimedia/20080320_DITH_PRAN_LAST_WORD_FEATURE/#section1

Rest in Peace Dith Pran.. you were an amazing man who opened the eyes of many people.

Dad

This blog is dedicated to my dad George, one of the greatest men in the world. November 10, 1944 - March 8, 2007.

I've been struggling with this blog for about a week now... I'd get something written down and then change my mind about it. How exactly do you pay tribute to one of the greatest men in the world.. with just mere words? So I've decided I'm going to just do one of my rambly blogs.. just of things to do with dad.

Everyone who knew my dad loved him.. he had a wonderful sense of humor and was a kind person. Dad liked being social and enjoyed being around people.. which is kind of funny seeing as mom is anti-social and doesn't like being around people much. Dad adored his girls.. and he would have given us the moon if we asked. Dad loved mom, and mom loved dad.. they were like teenagers in love and managed to stay that way for 37 years.

I often talk about dad's sense of humor when I post about him.. he was always telling jokes and playing pranks. When he lost the ability to speak and had to use the box to talk for him, he macro'd two jokes.. one went like this "People think it is the box talking to them because they can not see my lips move... pretty good ventriloquist act hey" and the other was "There was once an Indian chief who wanted his son to be the first to go to college. His son went to college and became an engineer.. upon returning to the tribe he asked the chief what he could do for the tribe since they had been so generous to him. The chief thought about it for a minute and said, the old folk have been having troubles tripping when they go to the outhouse at night, some lights would help them. Thus the chief's son became the first person to wire a head for a reservation"... think about it a second and you'll get it.

I remember when I broke my nose and wound up in the ER to get fixed up. Dad had a hard time with the sight of blood, and I was a mess. He went to the gift shop and bought me a stuffed Snoopy dressed up for Halloween. Poor dad was pale as all get out when he gave me that stuffed Snoopy.. but he was going to be there no matter what.

Dad liked his television.. every night he would be watching something on TV. He really enjoyed watching Jay Leno at night. Mom bought him a big screen TV, when that one died we all went shopping for another one with dad. Of course we had to go to the big screen sections.. dad said that he could watch the small screen TVs if he had to, but that things were much better on the big screen. We got another huge screen TV.. I remember packing it in the crate for the move. Dad bought a ton of bubble wrap and wrapped it up, and then we had to carefully move it very slowly.. when we put it in the crate we had to pack all our clothes, sheets, blankets, etc. around it so that it had extra protection. When the crates arrived, it was one of the first things that dad had us unpack. ROFL.. The last year of his life when he was ashamed to go out much because he didn't want to scare people (he was pretty disfigured and the bone had died so it smelled pretty bad) he spent a lot of time in front of that TV... it was mostly background noise while he put together puzzles or dozed off, but he did love his TV.

Another thing dad loved was music.. he spent a lot of time listening to jazz and Motown. He didn't have much fondness for the music me and my sisters listened to.. he would refer to Guns N Roses are "Popguns and Posies". Heh.. that still makes me smile. I have dad's CD collection now.. I play them quite a bit, the jazz especially helps me to think when I need to clear my head. Funny thing is before dad passed away jazz was alright, but not something I would go looking for. 'Course.. there are songs that remind me of dad.. not just the jazz, but in general. There is one song in particular that can make me cry, but doesn't make the siblings or the twidgets sad.. Dance With My Father. It gets me every time.

Since dad has passed we have had some strange things happen.. people refer to them as "winks", dad letting us know that he's still here. When dad quit smoking many many many years ago mom bought him a gold toothpick because he had chewed on toothpicks to quit smoking. That gold toothpick resided in his wallets for over 30 years. Recently when we were moving mom's old monitor and putting in her new one we found dad's gold toothpick.. on top of the new monitor box. No one had been in dad's wallet.. mom keeps that in dad's nightstand. We're at a loss for explaining how the toothpick got onto the box. Another one was back in January mom and I kept smelling this horrible smell like a rat had died... we looked EVERYWHERE for it.. even in the vents.. no rat. So mom went under the house (err.. I can't because I'm claustrophobic) and didn't find any dead animals.. but did find some damage that the plumber had done when he was fixing our faucet out front.. he had to go under the house to replace that particular faucet. Anyway, the insulation on the pipes had been torn off and the pipes probably would've froze if we hadn't looked for that smell.. the funny part about all this? As soon as mom went under the house, the smell stopped. It's like dad was trying to get our attention and knew that would. One last one.. we had someone come out and fix the heater a while ago.. shortly after that, but before it started to get cold enough for us to use the heater the carbon monoxide detector next to the heater went off a few times.. we replaced it with another one thinking it had malfunctioned.. the new one did the same thing. We had someone come out and check on things.. turns out that the guy who'd been out to fix the heater hadn't put some stuff back right and if we had used the heater it could've very well put carbon monoxide into the house. Dad is certainly looking out for us still it looks like.

Life without dad has been hard.. but I think that he'd be proud of how well we're all holding up. We haven't turned into a sobbing mess and unable to function. We're still a strong family.. I think THAT is one of the big reasons that we haven't turned into a mess. We've got our moments that are tear soaked, but for the most part we try to enjoy life, kind of a way to honor dad... he loved life and made the most of it.

On holidays we do things to celebrate dad instead of mourn him... we'll always miss him, but we all agree that dad would've rather we celebrated his life instead of being all sad and mopey. Tomorrow we're going to Cripple Creek to play slots and enjoy a day trip that gets us out of the house. I'm not sure if dad will rig the slots for us.. it'd be nice, but then again dad enjoyed putting an occasional $20 in the slots and just having fun playing them.

I miss dad with all my heart.. he was a huge part of my world. He's always going to live on in my memories and my heart though.. and he will always be Superman to me.

Love you dad.

Dieting and lifestyle changes

Like many overweight people I have struggled with diets and trying to find one that works for me. I think the reason many diets fail is that people think of them as short term change rather than a lifestyle change. The whole "I'll go on this until I lose the amount I want to, then I can go back to eating things I like" mentality. People set themselves up for failure by making it seem like a chore.. something they HAVE to do. Of course if you go into it thinking it's going to be a burden you're going to more then likely fail... eventually you'll get tired of doing it and go back to your old ways. Another reason that diets fail is because people don't do their research and wind up doing things the wrong way.

Lets start with Atkins. There are people who get their information on Atkins through their friends and the media. The media portrays Atkins as a "no carb" diet.. basically the "all you can eat meat and bacon" diet. I can't tell you how often I have gotten into conversations with people on Atkins and they always use that as their defense.

First of all Atkins isn't a no carb diet. It is a low carb diet, and the amount of carbs you consume is dependent on the phase you are in. For instance when you do Atkins (by the book and not by what your friends or the media say) you start out in induction. Induction lasts two weeks, unless you choose to extend it.. and on induction you are allowed up to twenty carbs a day. You're supposed to get most of your carbs from vegetables listed in the book.. three cups of salad veggies, or two cups of salad veggies plus one cup of the other veggies. Also, if people read the book they would know that it's not an "all you can eat" diet. On Atkins you are supposed to eat until you are satisfied.. and you're supposed to eat when you get hungry. It's not a free pass to stuff your face until you feel stuffed like people do at Thanksgiving. I think you can also tell from my mention of vegetables that it's more then just a meat and cheese diet. If you're not going to take the time to research how the diet works, why it works, and how it should be done.. why bother doing it at all?

There are plenty of low carb diets out there to choose from. Atkins is the one that I know the best though, so I used it in my example. Often I run into people who have modified some low carb diet to fit their needs and they have had great success on it.. nothing wrong with that, it's just a pet peeve of mine when they claim to be doing "Atkins" or "Southbeach" and they aren't. Yeah.. I'm kind of anal like that, but then there are a lot of people like me out there who would say the same thing so I'm in good company. :)

Lets talk about dieting and lifestyle changes. Dieting is something people do in short term.. it's not something that they plan to do for the rest of their life, just long enough to lose the weight they want to lose. I know a lot of people who yo-yo on diets.. they do really good and then go off the diet and gain a lot of the weight back. If people thought of it more as a lifestyle change.. it might actually end the yo-yo'ing. A lifestyle change is something more permanent.. and unless you're doing a diet like the grapefruit diet or some other diet that requires you to practically starve yourself or eat fairly unhealthy.. perhaps it'd be better to make it a permanent change. Nothing wrong with getting healthy and staying that way right?

Instead of making it a chore.. make it a challenge. Make it fun and/or challenging for yourself, and it won't be something you dread doing.

Last.. but certainly not least... EXERCISE! I've found a lot of people will try dieting but not throw in exercise. This is a big part of weight loss.. it helps your heart, it helps your metabolism, and it helps burn the fat that you want to lose and gets your muscles back into shape. MOST diets worth a darn will tell you that is an important part of it all. :)

Anyhow.. I've rambled enough. Hopefully you'll find something useful in this post.. if you've got anything to add, feel free to leave a comment.

Breakin' the law.. breakin' the law...

For a country that prides ourselves in freedom of speech.. we sure do a lot of censoring and making it hard for people to have their own voice. You're not allowed to say bad words on the radio or television.. even music gets censored over bad words.. remember 2Live Crew.. remember the PMRC?

'Course I'm not here to discuss the PMRC or the fact that you can't say fuck on TV (but bitch apparently is ok.. go figure!). Today's blog is about Low Power FM Radio... here on referred to as LPFM... more commonly referred to as pirate radio due to FCC rules and regulations that make it near impossible to get a license to operate legally.

I am only really familiar with one station, and that is because a friend of mine introduced me to it. I rather enjoyed the station because it had a broader view of current events and also a wider selection of music. The one thing that REALLY appealed was the fact that it wasn't a radio station in a box concept.. the DJ's were free to speak their minds and play the music they wanted to play. They weren't trying to make everything one size fits all.. and I liked that, because lets face it this world is NOT a one size fits all place.

A blurb from the FCC's page on LPFM..."LPFM stations are available to noncommercial educational entities and public safety and transportation organizations, but are not available to individuals or for commercial operations. Current broadcast licensees with interests in other media (broadcast or newspapers) are not eligible to obtain LPFM stations." In short.. if you're just some average dude that wants to create a station to give community news and allow a "public forum" so to speak for people to discuss things going on in the world, voice their opinions, and play music that isn't mainstream.. you're out of luck.

It seems to me that the main reason and essentially the ONLY reason that the FCC and Congress are against LPFM other then from the groups mentioned in the above paragraph is the potential for interference of the licensed stations.

So here is my question.. if the LPFM isn't going to cause interference with the bigger stations, Air Traffic Control, emergency services, military, etc. then why shouldn't they be allowed to get a license? I'd be willing to bet a majority of the pirate stations that exist out there would welcome being licensed. The people who operate these stations and the DJ's that man them aren't criminals.. they're just people who want to be heard and play stuff that mainstream stations don't. Is that so wrong?

It seems a shame that their voices have to be silenced when they aren't doing any harm. Freedom of speech? Not hardly. I think it's time that the FCC and Congress take another look at the LPFM/Pirate stations.. one that perhaps isn't biased towards the big stations with money and the ability to buy the silence of others.

*shrug* Just my opinion.

Couple links for ya'll if you want to read up on the subject yourself..
http://www.lpfm.ws
http://www.fcc.gov/lpfm/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LPFM

The Khmer Rouge

A friend of mine is interested in Asia.. the people, the culture, and the history. A few days ago he showed me some video he had taken on his trip to Cambodia... S-21 and one of the killing fields. It was a sobering experience to watch those videos. I knew about the Khmer Rouge and what they had done, but hadn't ever really read up on it. It's not exactly something they teach about in World History in schools! Now that I have.. I am haunted even more by this tragedy, and in awe of those who have survived it.

1939 marked the start of the Holocaust... it didn't end until 1945. An estimated 5.1 million Jews were killed.. that number does not include other people who were persecuted by the Nazis. A tragedy that has made people angry worldwide, one that won't ever be forgotten.. and rightfully so.

1975, the year that Lon Nol's government falls to the Khmer rouge. In 1979 Vietnam invaded Cambodia and managed to chase the Khmer Rouge out of most of Cambodia. During this nightmare an estimated 1.7 million people were killed. Roughly 25-30% of the entire population of Cambodia.

Little bit of history that led to the Khmer Rouge's rise to power..
1969 The United States started a bombing campaign against Vietnamese targets inside Cambodia. This was supposed to drive the Vietnamese out of Cambodia back into Vietnam. It didn't have the desired effect, in fact it had quite the opposite.. the Vietnamese went further into Cambodia and so did the bombing.
1970 Lon Nol overthrows Sihanouk while Sihanouk is abroad. Sihanouk calls on his people to rise against Lon Nol's government. The war between the Khmer Rouge and Lon Nol's government starts.
1973 The US stops it's bombing campaign, more than a million people killed and 1/2 the population uprooted.
1975 Lon Nol's Government is overthrown by the Khmer Rouge
1979 Vietnam invades Cambodia and set up The People's Republic of Kampuchea. The Khmer Rouge is rearmed and supplied with Western aid.

The Khmer Rouge wanted to turn Cambodia back to the old ways, get rid of the influence of other countries and make it a classless society. They killed intellectuals, professionals, people they suspected of spying for the CIA, etc. They tortured people brutally and killed them in an equally horrifying manner.. one of their favored ways was hitting people in the back of the head and neck with a hoe. Sometimes people didn't die from this.. they were left for dead though. The Khmer Rouge didn't care if you were man, woman, child, infant, sick, elderly, pregnant.. their motto was "Better to destroy ten innocent people than let one enemy go free".

I'm going to suggest a couple books that I have read...
The Lost Executioner by Nic Dunlop, I had a hard time putting this book down because it was written in a way that made you want to know what he will find out next. It tells the story of Comrade Duch through people who knew him and those who know of him, and also tells quite a bit of what happened during the Khmer Rouge and the people who lived and died during their reign.

Beyond the horizon: Five years with the Khmer Rouge by Laurence Picq. This book tells of the story of a French woman who married a Cambodian man, had two children and lived under the rule of the Khmer Rouge.

Children of Cambodia's Killing Fields: Memoirs by survivors by Dith Pran. This book was painful to read.. the entire subject is horrifying, but to read these accounts of young people and how they lose loved ones and how they survived the brutality that was the Khmer Rouge.. it was hard.

My friend has suggested Survial In The Killing Fields by Dr. Haing S. Ngor. I have yet to read it but he speaks highly of it. I do have it on my to read list and should be getting around to it in the next few days.

It boggles my mind that with all that is going on and has gone on in the world, that we are taught so little in schools. How is it that so many people don't know about the Khmer Rouge and the horror that happened there? How is it that so many people don't know about Rawanda, Bosnia, Croatia, Kosovo, Yugoslavia.. there is genocide and ethnic cleansing that is still going on to this day. It's a shame that so little is taught about this in schools.. to me, and to others I have spoken with THIS is an important subject and it should be taught. 'Course.. there isn't enough time in classes to teach everything I guess.

My heart and prayers go out to all the families who have lost loved ones to genocide and ethnic cleansing.

I'm including links to the videos my friend took.. they may be hard for you to watch, but they are worthwhile.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24oBcBwS7mI&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXyMih3bygc&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLzX7iS5E_Q&feature=user

I need to add a special thank you here to my friend Brent. He's the one who peaked my interest in the Khmer Rouge and allowed me to include links to his videos. THANK YOU!!!

Mental illness, and addiction.. when did it become funny?

This is kind of a Part Duex to the celebrity rant I did last time I posted.



I can find humor is just about everything.. but I have trouble finding humor in mental illness, addiction, etc. Perhaps it's because I've seen these things up close and personal and have even dealt with them myself.. or maybe it's just that I have a bit more compassion than the general public.



Friend of mine was cracking jokes about Britney Spears today.. going on and on about how loony she is and what a horrible mother she is. I think it's sad that people can find amusement and even what seems like some sort of sick joy out of the tragedy that is her life right now. Come on people.. it's not like she's getting drunk and doing ditzy things right now, she's suffering from a mental illness! What can anyone possibly find funny about that? Yeah.. I get it, she is a celebrity and somehow that puts her on a whole different level then the rest of the world. I think people tend to forget that celebrity status or not, she is still human.. she's going to make mistakes. She isn't immune to things that happen to "normal" people just because she's rich and famous. If you think about it, it's not just about her. She's got two little boys that aren't able to see their mother right now.. who years down the road will have to deal with people dissing their mom and making fun of her because she went crazy. I'm sure there will even be the morons who tell them that she didn't love them because she missed court dates and what not. I guess I need someone to point out to me where the humor is in all this.. because I certainly don't see it.

There doesn't seem to be a shortage of drug/alcohol addicted celebs out there... and there is no shortage of trash mags, blogs, and tv shows that love to yap about it. I guess it's easier to make fun of someone for being falling down drunk/stoned then it is to find some positive news in the world.

I guess maybe I just don't understand why people put so much of an effort into what is going on in celebrities' lives when there is so much more going on in this world that deserves attention. Instead of focusing on the negative that is most celebrities why not focus on the positive? Do we really need to see people belittled and trashed to make our lives seem better? Geez-us.

Just my thoughts on celebrities and death..

Everyone has been sending me e-mails and bulletins.. even doing blogs about Heath Ledger, saying how horrible his death is and making this big to-do over it. It seems to me that every time a celebrity dies people act like the world is going to end or they've lost their best friend. 

Here's my thoughts on the whole celebrity death thing. Yes, it's sad when someone passes away.. but what makes the celebrity deaths more special than the average person? We have men and women dying in Iraq for this war.. people dying every day from horrible diseases... people being murdered... kids suffering at the hands of their parents and being killed horribly.. where is all the sympathy and the "Oh my God... how horrible" posts, e-mails, bulletins, blogs, etc. for them? Why does a celebrity death rank being front and center in the news for days... but other people.. the "average" people get just a small blurb? Where is all the grief for them? Someone told me that I was heartless because I didn't do the whole boo-hoo thing when I heard about Mr. Ledger's death.. "think of his family". You know what? My sympathy and prayers are with his family.. it's horrible that they have to go through this. I refuse however to get all worked up over the death of someone I don't know.

This whole obsession with celebrities has gotten out of hand. The tabloids, the "entertainment" television shows, the bloggers who become famous just because they post gossip about celebrities.. it's all sad. Why must their lives be invaded and every little detail shared with the world? Why do we need to know so much about them? I suppose there is a demand for that kind of thing for a reason.. I just don't understand it. No wonder there are so many stars with screwed up lives.. can you imagine living in the public eye 24/7? Every little thing you say or do being broadcast to millions.. you can't even go out to eat like a normal person without the world knowing what you had, who you ate with, and so forth. Yeah.. I know, they knew this would happen when they became famous.. but all the same it's a shame they can't live even somewhat normal lives because of people's interest in them. Hell.. I think that we're all partly to blame for the meltdowns people have. Take Britney Spears for example.. I'm not a fan of hers by ANY stretch of the imagination, but since she was a young teen her life has been fair game for the media and they have used her time and time again and have not let her have any peace in her life since she came on the radar. I can't even begin to imagine what she must be going through and then all the media attention and the pressure that comes along with it just adding up on top of it! Geez-us.. no wonder she had a meltdown, which of course just made the media's day. *rolls eyes*

Oi... what a cluster this circus that is fame has become.

Look in the mirror.. what do you see?

I understand that people want to be better accepted and what not.. but why lie about yourself in order to gain that acceptance? It's just going to hurt all the more when people find out that you're not honest and decide to drop you anyway. A for instance.. if you're on a dating site and it asks your body type, and you're 5'6" and weigh over 250lbs.. don't put down that you're body type is "average" or "need to lose a few pounds" be honest and select the "BBW/BHM/More to love" option. You could get someone interesting who wants to meet you.. and you're going to be even more paranoid what they think because you know that you've lied and they're expecting something totally different. The person you're meeting will probably be shocked and may even be uncomfortable because you're not what they're expecting. They're expecting someone average with one chin and you walk in with double or triple chins.. what are they supposed to think?

I'm not bashing on fat people. I myself am a fat person... however when I'm on a site that asks my body type I always select the BBW/More to love option. The way I figure it, if someone is not interested in big girls I don't want to waste their time or my time. I don't want to start talking to someone and get interested in meeting them.. only to have them be shocked/disappointed when we meet because they were expecting something different. Maybe I'm strange.. but I don't see the point in denying that I'm fat, it's what I am.

'Course.. there are some VERY beautiful women and handsome men out there who are obese.. but that's all in the eye of the beholder. Don't base the way you see yourself off someone Else's view. You have to be comfortable in your own skin... much easier said than done, trust me.. I know. Here's the thing though.. if you go through life thinking that you're unworthy or ugly.. that's how people are going to see you. The projected lack of self esteem shows in the way you move, talk, socialize, etc. If you don't like something about yourself.. change it, or learn to accept it.. but don't do it for everyone else, do it for yourself.

This part is where I go off about the skinny chicks who think they are fat. I know a lot of women who are 5'6" and above that weigh maybe 140lbs soaking wet and they go on to ME about how fat they are. I try not to laugh, because I know that some of them are serious about it.. they've got an eating disorder and poor body image which makes them think they are fat when in reality they are not. It's a damn shame, because these women are beautiful inside and out.. but they can't see it because their own perception of themselves and the eating disorder have clouded their vision. There are some women however that will say they are fat because they want validation from people that they aren't. "Oh my god.. I'm SOOO fat" - Skinny Chick "No you're not!" - Validation person "Yes I am! Look at these love handles" - Skinny Chick while pinching their non-existent fat roll "No way, you're beautiful! You're not fat, if anything you're skinny" - Validation person. I hate when people do that.

Self esteem and good body image are a hard thing to get.. and even harder to keep. There are people out there who have little self esteem and a poor body image who try to bring other people down with them. It's a shame really.

Rambling again.. I'll stop for now, but in short.. people need to stop worrying about what other people think and start worrying more about what they think.. and they need to quit trying to fit in the one size fits all accepted by everyone box. Be yourself.. love yourself! I know it's hard to do.. I'm working on it myself.. but it IS possible!

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth..

People keep asking me what I want for Christmas.. and I never have a really good answer, apparently love and world peace is beyond reach. :P

I came up with THE best idea for a Christmas present.. or hell, ANY present for me. Music. Now before ya'll run out and buy me cd's and what not.. here's the catch. I don't want a cd or gift card to I-tunes or whatever.. I want you to MAKE me a cd. Yep, I want YOU to make ME a cd. Sounds simple right? Just to make it so you have to put a little more thought in it.. here's a list of songs I want from you.
1. A song that reminds you of me
2. Your favorite song
3. A song that reminds you of high school
4. A love song
5. A song that inspires you
6. A silly song or song that makes you smile
7. A song that you're not overly fond of, but you have because it was on a CD with a song that you liked
8. A song with a political message
9. An obscure song that nobody has ever heard of
10. A song that mentions a color in it
11. A song with the letter X somewhere in the title
12. A song you think that I'd like
13. A song with my name, your name, or a name of a close friend of ours in it
14. An Elvis song
15. A song you randomly selected from your music player

Not to hard right? Tell you what.. you make me a cd, and I'll make you a cd and we'll see what we come up with. :) Could be fun.. 'cause you know there will have to be some explaining on alot of the songs that are come up with! :)

Just an idea ya' know? Music makes my world go 'round... and what better way to get exposed to new and different music?

No title today..

Today would have been mom and dad's 38th anniversary.. we celebrated it because mom still feels very much married. In all my life, I've seen some pretty impressive love stories.. but none of them have given me as much faith in love as that of my parents. Mom always tells us about how her and dad met at church.. she was 13 and he was going on 20, she fell in love with him the second they met. They didn't start dating until she was 17, and they got married a few months later. December 6, 1969.. they were married in a chapel at NTC in San Diego. Seeing them together was amazing.. they still held hands when they walked and they gave each other kisses often. I know often times people say you can see the emotions between people.. well, you could definitely see the love between my parents.

When dad got sick, he fought hard.. and so did mom. She stayed by his side and made sure that he was taken care of.. I remember once when dad went into the hospital for surgery the June before he passed away, the nurses were short staffed and they kind of ignored dad.. he had already been on a feeding tube for a year so he had a liquid diet. The nurses gave him two Ensures (he had six of those a day) in a 12 hour period.. mom asked why they weren't giving him more and they didn't have a suitable answer.. she called the nutritionist and dad's primary doctor.. they got the ball rolling, not only did those nurses bring him his food whenever he wanted, but they let mom feed him after that. The last few months were bad.. the bone in dad's jaw had died and you could smell it rotting away. His doctor made a comment about it and that set mom off. No way was someone going to give dad a bad time when he was fighting so hard and couldn't help things that happened ya' know?

So December 8th will be nine months that dad has been gone. Today I weep not for myself and the fact I miss him, but because one of the greatest loves in the world was cut to short.. mom is a strong woman, but I know that she hurts more then words can say. She doesn't ever really show it to us though.. for us she stays strong.

Mom always tells us that she hopes someday that me and my sisters find a love like she had.. I think she's right. It's kind of funny.. all of her girls have been single for most of our lives. We've all dated and had serious relationships.. but for the last ten years all of us have pretty much been uninvolved. I guess we're all waiting for someone who meets our standards.. rofl, we're pretty picky eh?

What it means to me...

I've been thinking a lot about friendship the last few days and having rather lengthy discussions with my favorite thinker over it.

To me friendships are forever.. if someone chooses to sever the relationship and walk away, that is their choice.. but unlike other people who would turn around and walk the other way if their friend did that.. I always have my arms open for people I consider my friend. You can hurt me deeply, walk all over me, make me cry.. but I'll still be there. Once I've let someone in my heart.. it's a permanent thing. I don't know HOW to let go, even when I should.. but that's part of what makes me different from most people.. and I'm ok with that.

Hate is another thing we've been discussing. Hate is a very powerful emotion.. it can eat at you until you're barely able to feel anything aside from it. Hate makes people do strange things.. it makes them become cruel and vicious when they normally aren't... it makes people forget that there is good in everyone.. and it makes people do things they regret. Everyone hates.. it's just a matter of deciding what you want to hate.. and what you're willing to just shrug off. I'm not saying you can't dislike other people.. I'm saying that instead of hating someone why not just move on from them and stop letting them have an effect on your life.. hating them gives them the satisfaction of knowing that no matter what you do, they are going to be a festering wound in your side.. let it heal.

Everyone has regrets.. sometimes they are big regrets and sometimes they are small. You have to make a choice of what you want to regret in life.. are you confident enough in your choices that they aren't going to come back and haunt you in the future? Not many people are.. there is always that doubt in the back of their mind. Should've, would've, could've.. don't let those things run your life. Make your regrets small.. and keep them that way.

Life is to short to live it in misery and grudges.. remember, you never get promised tomorrow. It's never a guarantee that you will wake up the next morning and be able to fix the things you want to fix.

To my friends.. I love you, I would hope that each and every one of you already know this. You can never hear I love you, or say I love you enough.. cherish those you do, and those who do you.

Into the deep...

I intended to post a deep one closer to Thanksgiving.. but since I'm thinking of it now, I'll go ahead and do it now instead of waiting.

Tonight we went to a tree lighting ceremony that Hospice puts on here every year.. they do a butterfly release in Summer and a tree lighting around Thanksgiving. We went to the butterfly one, it was a beautiful ceremony.. thought provoking and very emotional. When you first get there you give them your loved one's name (names) that have passed on, and they read them.. they also have a singer or choirs (the butterfly one had a singer, this one had choirs) that sing sentimental songs.. the butterfly one was "Somewhere over the Rainbow" and tonight's was "Love Heals".

Tonight's proved to be no different..it was thought provoking and emotional. The Chaplain read an essay that Christine Cleary had written.. it's titled "The Deeper Well of Memory", this part really hit home. "I believe there is a difference between memory and remembering. Remembering has to do with turning the oven off before leaving the house, but memory is nurtured by emotion. It springs from a deeper well, safe from dementia and the passage of time. "
You can find the entire essay here:
http://thisibelieve.org/offsite_links.php?link=http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4538138

While they were reading the names off I heard someone crying behind us... I wasn't the only one who heard the crying as other people were looking around. One of the Hospice volunteers comforted this woman. I was ok until I heard her cry.. my heart broke for her. She had nobody with her.. was she this alone in the world since her loved one passed on? Does she not have friends or family? Maybe she wanted to be there alone.. maybe she didn't want to share her grief with her living loved ones. I don't know. I sincerely hope that she finds some peace in her life.

Now on to the thankful part of this blog.

Every year I do one of these type of things, usually on one of the boards I am on.. but this year I decided to do it in my blog. I make a small list of the people who have had some sort of affect on my life and write why I'm thankful for them. *If I don't put your name, it's not a slap in the face.. it's just that if I thanked everyone this post would be a million pages long.. so don't take offense, I am grateful for everyone in my life*

I am thankful for the years I got to spend with my dad. There are many people who don't have that opportunity and/or don't get along with their fathers.. and I am truly blessed to have had my dad.

I am thankful for my mom.. although we don't always see eye to eye and sometimes I grumble about her, she is my rock.

I am thankful for Jimmy and Rose.. they are my reason for living.

I am thankful for my sisters and my nana. They drive me insane, but at the same time we all need each other.. it's the smiles, laughter, and tears that makes me thankful for them.

I am thankful for Rich, he's been around for most of my life and through the ups and downs we have managed to maintain some sort of goofy friendship that is fueled by silly videos, jokes, and lots of computer talk (on his part.. sometimes I actually learn something new from him in those talks). I admire his strengths and the fact that he is striving to better his life for himself, and not for anyone else.

I am thankful for Jason, because through all the years he's been a constant. I know that if I really want to hear the truth, that I can ask him and he'll give me a no nonsense answer.

I am thankful for Brent.. we had a long time without contact, but it feels like it was just days and not years. He makes me smile with his Jeff Dunham addiction and his self proclaimed innocence... and the memories of Hobie and waterbeds.

I am thankful for Justin.. he's the biggest nerd I know and by far one of the best conversationalists (e-mailists?). He's a wealth of knowledge, has good taste in books, and always has some sort of quote or saying to go with every situation. I have learned a good bit from him about everything from hunting, guns, grades, pipes, and hillbilly stuff. :D

I am thankful for James... through the ups and downs and loopy de loops it's been an interesting ride. It's an addiction.. what can I say? Thanks for warming my heart. *SPORK*

Jamie, Autum, Twin, JamieAnne, Tish, SN, Larry, Amanda, Barbie, Preacher, John, POM, Wolfie.. the ones I talk/talked to the most from Myspace (well.. with the exception of the one above) I am thankful for ya'll.. I've learned quite a bit from all of you. The ups and downs and ins and outs of friendships.. the give and take.. the push comes to shove. Here's to the good and the bad.. cheers.

I am thankful for Deb.. she's like my second mom. She makes the most sense, even when she's not making sense (and that will make sense to her!).

I am thankful for JenS and her kids.. she's full of advice, some of which I take and they can make me smile. But Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom! :)

I am thankful for JJ.. we did our time together, maybe someday things will be the same.

I am thankful for Travis.. yes, I am thankful for my ex. I know people are supposed to be all bitter and hateful towards their ex's (or at least that's what it seems like in today's world) but we've been able to put all that aside and still maintain some sort of friendship.

Last but not least.. I am thankful for all the people in my life, they make the world a nicer place.

This post is dedicated to my dad..

Dear Dad,
By the time I get all my thoughts out into words.. you'll have been gone for eight months. Life has been different without you.. in a lot of ways it feels like you're still here though. I think you'd be proud of how far we've all come since your passing. The Twidgets are amazing.. I think of all the people in the world that I know, they are the strongest. They haven't had an easy road.. watching everything that happened to you those years and then losing you. 'Course.. they have me, mom, Jen, and Star too.. and that helps. Mom and I are keeping each other laughing.. we laugh until we cry and can't stop laughing just about every day. We also try to keep busy.. gotten a lot done around the house and in the yard. The next big project for after snow season is building a roof between the house and the garage.. the screen room was nice, but it wouldn't have stood up to the snow and wind so we opted to build something permanent. Hopefully since we have more experience building things now it'll look better than the ghetto screen door we made for the barn.

I've learned quite a bit about people since you passed.. sometimes the hard way, but you once told me something like the hard lessons in life are the ones you remember the most. I often wonder if people even bother to look and see the real me, or if they just see what they want to see. I guess it's not really important.. if they can't open their eyes and see past what they want to see, then there isn't anything I can do about it right? Been a lot of people this year who are like that.. and.. sometimes I need to open my eyes more about people as well. People are kind of funny.. one day it's good, the next it's not.. and you have to wonder what the hell is going on. If you ask outright they get pissed, if you don't they get pissed.. it's a lose-lose situation. *sigh* I guess that's human nature.

I think you would get a kick out of the donkeys we adopted. One of them looks like Eeyore.. remember how I always wanted a donkey growing up? I have two now. I absolutely adore them.. they've both got so much personality.

A friend suggested that I look into grief support groups.. I took her advice and joined a couple of them. It's been interesting seeing the stories others share. I haven't quite gotten past introducing myself to them. It's hard for me to put into words what I want to say.. funny as hell isn't it.. me at a loss for words! I think part of the reluctance is that I hate having to go over and over and over and over again about your battle and death. It still hurts.

Oh yeah.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! I know it's two days early, but who cares.

Love you.. miss you,
Me

A message for Anon

I posted a blog back in June about parents who don't spend time with their children and some coward posted anon that they found it funny I would talk about that.

1. I bet you didn't think I'd publish that post
2. I bet you didn't think I'd ever address it


Here's the thing Ms. Anon, you may think you know quite a bit about my family life, the twidgets, and so forth.. but the reality is you know very little about it. Your words don't hurt me.. it's like a little kid throwing tiny pebbles at a brick wall, no damage done.. but I'm sure you'll keep tossing those pebbles trying to make something happen.

If you want to respond to this, by all means.. do so. However I will not be publishing anymore anon messages. If you have something to say to me, have the guts to use your name.

A letter to my friends..

You know it's time to take a break from the Internet when it makes you more depressed each passing day. There was a time when I used to look forward to getting online to chat with my friends.. but now, it's like a chore. I'm like a therapist to a lot of the people I talk to.. and I'm getting burned out. I know I know.. I keep saying this, but it got to the point today where I almost said some things I might regret at a later time. So.. I composed this letter.

(this doesn't apply to everyone)
Dear Friends,
I realize that to YOU, your problems are the biggest thing in the world. But could you please quit acting like you're the only one with problems? Seriously.. I've got a lot going on myself, and some of what I have going on makes your problems look like nothing. Do me a favor.. if you can't do anything but whine at me, give me a break for a while ok? Try talking to me about the weather, music, animals, hunting.. or you know, maybe my life for a change. I'm not your therapist.. and I'm tired of playing that role. I'm getting burned out.. to the point where I'm about to just call it quits with most the people I talk to.

Before ya'll take this the wrong way.. I care about you. I really do. I don't think anyone is disposable, and I don't take friendships lightly. Most of ya'll should know that since almost everyone I talk to has walked all over me at some point.. but I'm still there when you need me. I've been there through the good times and the bad.. I've been there through medical scares, the loss of family/friends/pets, births, marriages, divorces, the beginning of relationships, the end of relationships, loss of jobs, finding new jobs, when you've been so damn confused you can't make sense of things, when you've been so happy you've had to share with someone or you'd bust. I've even stuck around when everyone else has turned their backs on you. I've been there for you when you've needed someone to listen. I didn't even get a friggin' break when my dad died.. a lot of you leaned on me then, and I didn't complain. Think about all that for a minute.. it's only been seven months since my dad has passed away.. seven months! That may seem like a long time to you, but to me these months have flown by and yes, it's still raw and painful. That doesn't stop me from being your ear to bend, shoulder to cry on, and therapist to help sort things out.

I recently joined a grief support group at the urging of a good friend (who has always been there for me and doesn't burden me with every one of her problems.. though I wouldn't mind if she did, because she doesn't consider every little thing an huge obstacle that can't be overcome) and I'm trying to deal with my OWN problems. I've got plenty of them.. and right now I need to deal with my own problems and not everyone Else's.

I'm sorry if this came out harsh or hurt any one's feelings.. but really, I just need a break for a while ok? You can have your therapist back in a couple weeks.. but for now I'm taking a vacation.

Love ya,
Amb


And on that note, I'm going to go to bed. I'll post more tomorrow. Night ya'll.

My enviromental ramble in honor of Blog Action Day

Hrm.. I signed up a couple days ago, but didn't find my blog listed there.. so I signed up again. Hopefully it'll list me on there soon, since I don't think that many of my readers are actually interested in the environment!

There are so many different ways people can help the environment, yet so many people ignore the environment. I'm not saying ya'll need to start freaking out about global warming and wearing shoes made of hemp and so forth. What I will say though, is take the time to think about the little things you can do to help the environment. 'Cause after all.. this is the only planet we've got until they start colonizing Mars and the Moon. If Earth dies, so do we.. and granted it won't probably happen in my lifetime or yours, but what we do now could make a significant impact on the future.

Do you recycle? Aluminum cans, cardboard, paper, plastics, etc. there are so many things that we can recycle that would keep them from taking up room in landfills, which means we'd have room for more trash in the long run. If everyone recycled, think how much waste we'd save.. not to mention if everyone started recycling things like paper, there would be less of a need for trees to be cut down for this purpose. 'Course, this only makes sense if people buy recycled products. I know a few people who won't buy recycled because it's "gross" for whatever reason.. I guess they missed the part where recycled material is CLEANED before used.

Consider a smaller car? Do you really need to be tooling around town in Hummer? Nothing irritates me more than seeing people drive huge SUV's when it's just them. Or the families with two SUV's.. that's just nuts.. granted they have kids, but do they need TWO? Why not a smaller car and a SUV? Bigger families, I can see using a smaller SUV or van.. but some of these vehicles are ridiculous. 'Course some of the smaller cars that are gas guzzlers aren't any better. Unless you're planning on joining NASCAR does it matter if your car can go over 100mph? I mean really.. how often do you get your car up to that speed? Which brings us to another point.. and I'm guilty of this one as well.. did you know going over 65mph burns more gas? I forget how much more gas it burns just going five miles over the speed limit.. but think about it, if you can save gas by going 65 instead of going like a bat out of heck.. isn't it worth it? That's something I plan to work on.

Be power friendly.. you don't need to leave the lights on 24/7, you don't need to keep things running when you're not at home to use them... keep the thermostat at 70-75 instead of super cold or super hot. The more power you conserve, the cheaper the bill as well. Think about it.. something that helps the environment.. and helps you save at the same time!

Water! I know that it doesn't seem that big of a deal, but it is. Think how many gallons a year you could save just by turning off the water while you're brushing your teeth. Out here we're paranoid about water because our septic tank had major issues when we first moved in (Thanks Mr. and Mrs. Murphy.. we appreciate having to fix your mess!). When the kids take baths we bail the water out into buckets and tote them to the trees outside. When we heat up water in the kitchen for washing dishes or whatever we catch the cold water in a gallon jug (hey, that's something ANYONE can do.. water your plants that way!) and water the plants around the house. Instead of turning on a sprinkler or drip hose we tote water from the faucet outside to the places that need it.. that way we're not watering weeds and things that we don't need to water.

Plant a garden! No matter how small. Live in an apartment? Get some small strawberry pots and plant things in there. The two years we've been here we've planted around 60 trees. We buy trees in late winter/early spring.. and we buy them in bulk and wind up sharing with the neighbors.. however they end up not watering theirs and they die. Our trees are doing really well. We also plant different kinds of flowers and veggies throughout the yard. It's hard work, but you know something? It's worth it to see how beautiful the yard is.

I'm rambling on and on. The point of this blog is supposed to be getting you to think about the environment. I hope that I've accomplished that.

Being different is ok!

You know what burns me? When people hate an artist/musician/actor/whatever just because it's the in thing to do. The whole "everyone else is doing it so I'll go along with it so as not to call attention to myself" bullshit is annoying. When did it become a bad thing to be yourself?!

A few examples:

My play list on Myspace has a lot of musicians and bands that other people don't like for whatever reason. Barry Manilow you have to be old or gay to listen too.. Avenged Sevenfold are "sellouts".. Fergie is "annoying" and so on. You know what people? I really don't care what YOUR musical preferences are.. I like what I like, and I like a wide variety of music. I find if amusing when someone who keeps themselves stuck in one type of music genre because they don't want to open their mind to other types of music because it's "not cool" or whatever picks on my taste in music when I listen to what I like and don't worry about trying to impress everyone else.

Clothes.. there are people who enjoy clothes and that's fine, more power to them. However when you're running out to buy the same shoes that some celebrity wore because everyone else is going to be wearing them.. that's kind of lame. Why be like everyone else? I don't get that. People talk up their uniqueness.. but they're just a carbon copy of someone else.

Chris Crocker.. now there is an example of someone who dares to be different and doesn't get a damn if people disagree with what he says. Ya' know.. when the whole thing with the Brittney video happened I admit I laughed, but then I got curious.. who was this person that was pleading so passionately for people to leave Brittney alone? I started looking for his videos on Youtube and Myspace.. and you know what, some of what he says has more wisdom than most people are capable of giving. I don't agree with 100% of what he says, but I respect him because he says what's on his mind.. and he is himself! Of course there are the people who hate him because of the Brittney video simply because they hate her.

Anyhow.. I just find it sad that people are busy trying to fit in and be liked by everyone instead of being themselves. Isn't it suffocating to be someone you're not?

Being different can be a good thing. Being yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself.

I guess I'm not that good anymore...

It's funny how time can change places and people.. this will probably get long.

Growing up in San Diego I remember thinking it wasn't that big of a city. The houses were pretty much all alike and almost right on top of each other. I remember we had the biggest backyard on the block and the biggest front yard.. course our house then wasn't originally built where it stands, it was moved from down the street to where it is now... 'course that was all done before I was born, I just heard about it. Lots of good memories in that house. I went by it the other day.. they had torn out all the plants save the big tree in the front yard. The privacy fence and quiet area were gone.. the pond was gone.. they tore up part of the porch.. it's a light yellow and baby blue color now.

Drove past Morse (my high school) the other day and it's changed too.. it's huge now. I thought it was big when I was going there! They've got a two story building now.. it's crazy. Bell (my jr. high) is pretty much the same.. but it seems much much smaller. Downtown San Diego is pretty much the same.. mom told me to expect it to be dirty, but it doesn't seem like it's changed all that much. Well.. I take that back it has changed drastically since I was very little. Gaslamp used to be a place people didn't really go because it was dirty and a "bad" part of town... now it's built up, lots of people go there. The trolley system has changed too.. it was interesting to ride it with Jimmy. Jimmy and I were discussing a lot of the changes that have happened when we were riding the trolley.. it used to be there was two lines the Blue line and the Orange line. The Blue line used to run from the border up through Mission San Diego (it went through Chula Vista, National City, San Ysidro, Old Town, Mission Valley, Fashion Valley, Linda Vista..) and the Orange line ran from Downtown to East County (it went through Gaslamp, Seaport Village, El Cajon, Santee..). Occasionally there would be the Green line which ran on special occasions like game day and went from downtown to Qualcomm stadium. Now there are three lines running permanently. The Green line which runs from Old Town out through SDSU to Santee, the Orange line which runs from Downtown to El Cajon (it doesn't go into Santee now) and the Blue line which runs from the border up to Old Town (it doesn't go to Mission Valley, the Stadium, etc.).

Hrm. People change.. regardless of what some people tell me, I will always believe that people can change for the better. It's nice to know that the past doesn't have to be held in a grudge.

San Diego has a lot of old friends and memories.. it's like a warm blanket on a cold night. I'm surprised how many memories and feelings just being back here has stirred up.